One of the most challenging outcomes of CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is that not only does it leave an imprint on the nervous system, but it also affects the heart—the part of us that longs for connection, safety, and trust.

This deeply ingrained pattern makes it difficult to trust others AND ourselves. It creates an internal push-pull dynamic: the longing for closeness is met with fear of betrayal, and self-doubt clouds our ability to rely on our own instincts.

But there is hope. Healing from CPTSD is not only possible—it is profoundly transformative. It begins with a terrifying, but courageous step: learning to trust again.

Understanding Disorganized Attachment

Many people with CPTSD find themselves with a very complicated attachment style, some call Disorganzed (fearful avoidant). Disorganized attachment often stems from early experiences where caregivers were both a source of comfort and also fear. When safety and danger are intertwined like this, the nervous system becomes wired for confusion in relationships.

While I think Attachment Theory is too simplistic to define the nuances of human relationships, the most helpful way I’ve heard attachments explained is this:

Anxiously attached people don’t trust themselves, but they trust other people.

Avoidantly attachment people trust themselves, but don’t trust others.

Disorganized attached people don’t trust others, but they also don’t trust themselves.

This combination makes it rather difficult to heal and often those with this attachment don’t know where to begin.

If you classify yourself as disorganized, you may find yourself craving intimacy but withdrawing the moment you feel it. You distrust the motives of people offering kindness or feel uneasy when things feel “too good.” This ambivalence makes it difficult to form secure connections.

Equally disorienting is the lack of trust in yourself. When you’ve had to survive by dismissing or overriding your instincts, it becomes difficult to recognize what is true or safe. Self-betrayal has become a survival skill—pushing down your needs, numbing your feelings, or abandoning your inner voice, all in the name of safety.

I can relate.

I also can offer what I’ve learned on my own journey toward secure attachment and what I’ve noticed works based on my experiences, research and working with others.

Step One: Learn to Trust Others First

For many people with CPTSD, trusting themselves first feels impossible. Most likely they’ve experienced extreme situations causing dysregulation without having a safe person to co-regulate with. In order to self soothe and self regulate, one first has to learn to SAFELY co-regulate.This is why healing often begins with trusting others in safe, structured relationships.

Therapists, coaches, sponsors, and body workers become essential partners on this journey. These individuals serve as consistent, grounded, and compassionate guides—helping you experience reliability and emotional safety aka co-regulation.

In these settings, you slowly recondition your nervous system to recognize safety. Each session or interaction offers an opportunity to practice being seen and supported without judgment or abandonment. Over time, you internalize these experiences, gradually learning that not everyone is unsafe and that support can be both reliable and healing. It also sets the foundation for what regulation feels like in your body, giving you a powerful reference point to call on time and time again in the future.

Why it works:

Healing through relational trust allows you to borrow the nervous system regulation of safe, grounded people. When you are consistently met with empathy and stability, your brain begins to rewire itself. You learn that not all connections lead to harm, and this creates the foundation for self-trust.

Step Two: Building Trust in Yourself Through Esteemable Acts

Once you’ve begun to experience safety in external relationships, you can start rebuilding trust in yourself. One of the most effective ways to do this is through esteemable acts—actions that align with your values, build self-respect, and foster inner integrity.

Esteemable acts can be as small as following through on a promise to yourself, prioritizing your well-being, or treating yourself with gentleness. Each time you keep your word or care for yourself in a meaningful way, you send a message to your inner self: “I am safe with ME.”

Examples of esteemable acts:

Setting boundaries and honoring them.
Honoring bodily needs when they arise (if hungry, eat. If tired, rest. If you need to pee, pee.)
Prioritizing self-care practices (even when it feels undeserved).
Speaking to yourself with kindness rather than self-criticism.
Following through on commitments, even the small ones. (Waking up when alarm goes off)

These small, consistent actions rebuild self-trust brick by brick. With time, you start to believe in your own reliability—you become a safe harbor for yourself. You know that you won’t be harsh, overly critical and you won’t abandon yourself by ignoring your own needs. Your daily habits turn into acts of self love, instead of self harm.

The Ripple Effect of Trust

As trust in yourself grows, it creates a ripple effect. You become more discerning in your relationships, able to recognize when something feels misaligned and when someone is genuinely safe. You also develop a stronger internal compass, less swayed by self-doubt or external validation. You appreciate other’s inputs but learn to make your own decisions. You feel so secure that you’ll show up for yourself, you end up taking bigger risks toward growth.

Rebuilding trust after CPTSD is not linear. There will be setbacks, moments of fear, and times when your nervous system reverts to old survival patterns. But with each act of courage—each attempt at connection, each boundary held, each compassionate gesture toward yourself—you strengthen the foundation of self-trust.

You Are Worthy of Trust

Healing from CPTSD is not about becoming perfect or never feeling triggered. It’s about learning that you can be safe in relationships and safe with yourself. Trust, once fractured, can be rebuilt—not overnight, but over time, through tenderness, patience and small esteem building actions.

You deserve to feel safe with yourself and with others. And as you walk this path of healing, may you come to know this truth in your bones: you are trustworthy and you are worthy of being trusted.

Happy healing,

Teal

Healing from CPTSD: Rebuilding Trust in Others and Yourself